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Defy Dementia Episode 16: Lying for Love

As dementia progresses, individuals may forget pivotal moments, like the death of a loved one. Repeatedly learning this painful truth can cause significant emotional distress, but caregivers may also feel guilt at the thought of lying. This episode of Defy Dementia explores the ethics and benefits of compassionately reshaping the truth when communicating with a person living with dementia. Catherine Mulvale shares her experiences grappling with this challenge when caring for her mother, Anne. Then, Registered Nurse Ben Hartung discusses his research on “ethical lies” in dementia care. Tune in for an insightful discussion on this challenging topic and gain practical tips to provide comfort while managing the complexities of dementia care.

Episode 16: Transcript

Key takeaways

People living with dementia may believe things that are not true.
You don’t always have to correct them. In some circumstances, it’s alright to go along with their beliefs and possibly to lie.
The goal is to help the person living with dementia stay safe and happy.
Taking this approach can reduce stress for the person living with dementia and for you.

Key Actions

Be sensitive to the perspective of the person living with dementia.
If you decide it’s best to lie, do so mindfully and carefully to maintain trust.
Lie only to benefit the person living with dementia, not yourself.
Consider non-verbal activities as an alternative.

Resources

Is it ok to lie to someone with dementia? – from Alzheimer’s Society
Difficult questions and telling the truth to a person with dementia – from Alzheimer’s Society
3 tips to help you avoid therapeutic lying in dementia care – from Positive Approach to Care
When Your Parent has Dementia, Is Lying Ever OK? – Aging Life Care Association

Learn more about our guests

Catherine Mulvale, 58, is a business consultant, wife and mother of two. She has been the executive director of several national charitable organizations, including the Canadian Foundation for Infectious Diseases and the Canadian Digestive Health Foundation. Over her career she has been directly involved in raising more than $65 million in donations. These days she works as a consultant and graphic designer, mostly for charities.
Both of Catherine’s parents were diagnosed with vascular dementia. Her mother, Anne Hawkins, was diagnosed in 2019 at age 85 and is living in a long-term care home. Anne is still communicative, though she often experiences delusions. Catherine’s father died four years ago, denying that he had dementia until the end. Catherine began a website, dementialove.org, to help document her mother’s life and also to serve as an outlet for writing about caregiving for her mom. It has grown into a forum for other caregivers to share stories, resources and advice.

Benjamin (Ben) Hartung is a Registered Nurse practicing in Alberta. He is also a nursing instructor at Bow Valley College in Calgary and a certified gerontological nurse with the Canadian Nurses Association. His research focuses on dementia communication and the use of “ethical lies” in dementia care. He has published several studies on the topic of lying and dementia care. Ben is passionate about helping caregivers and healthcare professionals navigate the complexities of communicating with people living with dementia. Benjamin holds a Master’s of Science in Nursing from the University of Ottawa and a Bachelor of Science in Nursing from Lakehead University.